Negatively Questioning Positive Goals

Have you ever experienced having a dream, or a goal, something that makes you incredibly excited and you spend hours on end thinking about it, intricately coming up with the exact way you’re going to make this dream or goal become a reality. You then decide to tell somebody you care about and who is also supposed to care about you, but then that person looks at you puzzled and asks “why?” Suddenly, you start second-guessing yourself. That’s a good question, why?

In my last relationship, my ex-boyfriend would always ask “why” when I told him that I wanted to do something. Whether it be I wanted to learn how to play the bass guitar, or I wanted to travel to Hawaii, or I wanted to open up my own non-profit. Regardless of what I was saying I wanted to do, he always asked me “why.” Not a curious why, as in: wow, that sounds like a wonderful idea what made you think to do that? But more of a: why would you want to do something like that.

That question always bothered me. Not because I was under the impression that he, or anyone for that matter, need to have the same goals as I do. Or, that they need to understand why I have the goals that I have. It bothered me because it was almost like as soon as I got that question, I immediately began questioning myself; even though I knew all of the answers.

It also bothered me because sometimes there doesn’t need to be a reason why. Maybe the reason it’s just because I want to. I want to go to Hawaii. My ex-boyfriend wanted me to explain to him what was in Hawaii that I was so intrigued by. But the truth is, there isn’t anything in particular that intrigues me about Hawaii. I just want to be able to say that I’ve been there. I want to be able to say that I’ve traveled many places. But then I found myself explaining to somebody else why I wanted to do what I wanted to do. As if I was 12 years old and trying to convince my mom to let me go out and do something with my friends again. Remember that time? When you and your friends would get together and plan what you were going to say to your parents to convince them to let you do something. As an adult, I don’t feel it’s necessary for us to have to explain to other people why we want to do the things that we want to do. Or for us to have a specific reason why we want to do it.

Now, I’m sure that, like my ex-boyfriend, not everybody who asks the question of “why” is trying to put the other person down or make them feel like their dream is stupid. At the same time, he was the first person in my life who ever asked me “why” and needed an explanation. The other close friends and family that I have, when I mention to them that I have a goal I’m trying to achieve, follow up with positive remarks. They mention how extraordinary that experience is going to be, they have a conversation with me about what I think that experience will look like.

Looking back, and thinking about the people I want in my future, I believe it’s important to have people in your life who don’t require an explanation as to why you want to learn how to play the bass guitar, keeping in mind that curiosity and acting as if learning how to play the bass guitar is very stupid idea are two very different things.

Think about how many different goals you have in your mind. Think about the dreams that you have that you would love to be able to chase after but you’re worried about what everybody else is going to think. Too many people question, in a negative way, why you would want to achieve those goals. So then you start to negatively look at those goals, and convince yourself that you cannot achieve them. That is simply not true.

Imagine the positive impact we could all have on this world if we take the dreams that we see and know would make a difference and actually acted on them, instead of being treated as if those goals are unattainable.

Imagine how you could help somebody else attain their goals by simply not questioning their motives or making it sound like their goal isn’t reasonable when they come to you and disclose them. Rather than laughing and shrugging it off and asking why, what if we instead said “that is an amazing idea! Is there anything I can do to help you achieve this goal?” And if you’re really curious as to how this person did come up with the goal. You could simply say “this is awesome, what’s the inspiration behind this”? That way, you’re not putting a negative feeling onto a positive goal, and you’re also offering up your support.

The people who matter to us the most in life have very strong holds on what we actually pursue. When the people we value, value our goals, we tend to do more of what we love. When the people we value, degrade our goals, we tend to do less of what we love. For fear, that we won’t get support, or that we won’t be able to be successful because that is what we’re being conditioned to believe.

When considering whose opinions to value the most, think about the people who question you when you tell them you have a dream. Think about the people who encourage you to chase that dream when you tell them about it. Try to keep the people in your life who have positive things to say closer, and try not to value the opinions of those who only have negative things to say. And for yourself, try your hardest to be that person who follows up dreams and goals of others with positive comments. If somebody is trying to do good things and be a good person nobody should be allowed to question why they want to do that. And nobody needs permission to be who they are.

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