I think that I potentially wrote five Blogtober blog posts… So I didn’t exactly nail it. I’ll count this one as day twenty-four, though! Why not, right?
Anywho, lately I’ve had a persistent feeling in my gut of nausea. Some may be thinking “well, Rosalie you should probably call a doctor…” that would be a waste of time for not only the doctor but also myself. You see, my problem is that I have a career change coming up — and I don’t do well with change. at. all. So much so that for the last week, I’ve felt physically ill practically all day everyday (okay, maybe I shouldn’t call my primary care physician but I could get on board with calling my therapist).
I’ve notice that it takes approximately forever for me to adjust to any life change. Including what’s about to be happening, which is me switching jobs for the first time in five years — for good. This change came because well, I decided not to deal with certain things at my current job and finally found that final push into my actual career. This change is good, I have a Masters Degree that is currently just sitting on my wall while I stare at it everyday thinking “wow, I worked hard for you.” So, I suppose using that degree would be worth the while.
However; since I was little and endured all of my fun childhood trauma the two things I do the worst with are life changes and lack of stability…. Oh, and I’m also discovering I don’t do well with feeling abandoned by that’s a story for a different post. We’ll stick to the first two for now.
Considering a career change is going to bring issues to both “life changes” and “lack of stability” I’m simply not thriving. Four years of therapy, I still haven’t figured this out.
So here I am, doing what usually helps and writing it down. I’ve also been telling a lot of people about my soon-to-be new job. “Normalizing the change” or whatever my therapist said. I’m pretty sure this is also some sort of exposure therapy but I haven’t overanalyzed my therapists decisions enough yet to know for sure. Stay tuned for that one.
I’m happy that I’m going to be finally doing something that I worked hard for a degree in, I’m happy to be working closer to my house and to be making big kid money and I’m happy that everything I have spent the last five plus years dreaming of is finally coming true — I just wish I could fast forward six months into the future when this is all no longer new and I don’t have to feel so weird about everything.
Has anyone else every experienced this? Any words of advice for me or fellow readers? And don’t worry, I’ll be keeping up posts about this journey and of the advice I get from my therapist… I should find a new name for her, I don’t want to use her real name, but saying “my therapist” over and over again is also making me queasy. Okay, until next time folks.